I’m not dead. Tuesday, Apr 26 2011 

Just thought I would let anyone who reads this blog know that I’m not dead. I’ve just been MIA lately. I’ve had a lot going on in my head, and in the real world as well, so I haven’t had time/felt like blogging. I promise I will eventually come out of this funk and get my motivation back, but it won’t be today, and it probably won’t be tomorrow either.

today sucked. Tuesday, Apr 12 2011 

It really, really did. From the start this morning things pissed me off. Little things, but a bunch of them. So yeah. I was sooooo happy to be able to get out of the building at work for 45 minutes at lunch. It was super sunny and warm out today and it gave me just the boost I needed to get thru the rest of the day without killing someone.

I ended up hitting up Taco Bell with my friend Jaime for lunch. I always forget how icky their food makes me feel until after I’ve eaten it. So I was sluggish the rest of the afternoon and felt like hiding under my desk for a nap. That probably wouldn’t have gone over too well with my boss, so no rest for me. Lemme tell ya I was sooooo happy when I got to leave that place today.

Last night I started reading the book Intuitive Eating. I’ve been looking for a new way of eating so I’m not counting everything all the time. That is seriously so nerve racking! I have never been one to really think about what I’m eating without putting some sort of numerical value on it (calories, fat grams, etc.) and I think it’s gotten me so frazzled that I just wanted to give up completely. Then I found the book. I am really excited about it because it makes sooooo much sense! If we go back to eating like we did when we were kids…eating until we are satisfied, not overly-stuffed, and then pushing the plate away…we will eventually settle at our natural weight without counting anything. Of course you can’t just eat fried junk all day and expect to lose weight, so I will also be working on revamping my diet to include mostly whole foods, and the baked goods that I consume will all be made by me, from scratch. No store-bought cakes, cookies, etc. That won’t be too hard because I already like to bake and don’t really keep any processed baked goods in the house now. Exercise will definitely be key for me as well. My metabolism is slower due to me having PCOS, so it is more difficult for me to lose weight than your average person. I love exercise though. An hour at the gym makes me feel so refreshed and invigorated! I have to remember to be moderate with it though, because I have an addictive personality and could easily fall back into being obsessed with it.

Well, have a good evening everyone…all 1 or 2 of you, lol.

my second first post Monday, Apr 11 2011 

Since my first post wasn’t much of a post at all, here’s my second go at it. First, let me introduce myself. My name is Stephanie and I am a novice to the healthy living world. For the past 3 or 4 months, I have been trying to devise a plan to get myself healthy, fit, and overall just plain happier with my life. I started by joining the healthy living website Spark People and beginning a weight loss plan. Let me preface what I am about to say by telling you I absolutely love this website…and now comes the “but”…BUT some of the things they suggest are just not realistic for me. I cannot and will not limit myself to 1200 calories per day, nor will I ever count calories again (reference my first first post). They want you to log every single thing you eat and all your exercise. I’m sorry but I do not want to be tied to a computer all day long and running back and forth to see if I have enough calories left to eat this or that. If I want to indulge and it happens to slow my weight loss a bit, so be it. Life is too short to be so obsessed with one thing like that. Granted you can set your own goals and lose as much or as little per week as you want (up to 2 lbs.), some people try to eat less than 1200 calories and exercise like a mad person to try to lose much more in a shorter amount of time. NO. FRIGGIN’. WAY. I am trying to get a healthy balance by watching my portion sizes and adding in more whole, natural foods to my diet as well as enjoying some treats thrown in daily. I could never stick to a weight loss plan that would not allow those treats because I would feel deprived and binge like I’ve done in the past, countering all of my efforts and making me feel even worse.

See, this is not my first go ’round with the weight loss monster. I lost 70 lbs. in 2006 by basically eating next to nothing (1200 calories or less per day) and exercising 7 days a week for an hour at a time. NOT healthy. My body needed more calories for all the exercise I was doing, but I would not “give in”. I viewed fried foods, baked goods, and just about any other food besides veggies as “bad” and would not EVER eat them. Once I reached my goal, I ended up eating some onion rings at a fair and it was all downhill from there. I viewed myself as a failure for not being able to resist the temptation of the “bad” food and gained back all the weight I had lost twice as quickly as I had lost it. Now here I sit, starting all over again. I have already lost 15-20 lbs. so far (I don’t know the exact number since I haven’t stepped on a scale in about a month). I am doing it slowly and steadily this time. I aim for about 4-5 lbs. per month. I have 40-50 lbs. to lose to be at a comfortable weight, so it will probably take about a year or so to accomplish. But I am fine with that. This time it will STAY off. FOREVER.

never will I ever Monday, Apr 11 2011 

For my first post, here is a list of the things I will never again do in my life:

* count calories or use a food diary
* label foods “good” or “bad”
* feel guilty when I over-indulge
* obsess about exercise
* step on a scale more than once a month
* care what other people think of my appearance
* dye my hair bleach blonde (gotta fix that tonight)

I’m sure I will add to this list in the future. I hope you enjoy my daily musings and just plain ramblings. I have a lot on my mind most days and no outlet for it, so it will probably spill straight from my brain onto this blog. Feel free to comment, and feel free to not. Hopefully some of the things I have to say will inspire you to better your life or continue to build a healthy one. There will be days when I feel defeated, and I will say so, but I will not let those days deter me. I am here for the long haul, and I am committed to finding a healthy balance in my life. Advice is welcome 🙂